shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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