He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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