Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
