I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize