if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
