omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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