I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
