Got a toothbrush?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
