he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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