come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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