So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
