i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
