Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
