He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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