I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
