Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
