some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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