I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
