At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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