oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
