If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
