spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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