I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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