glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
