That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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