I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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