you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
