sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
