Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
