awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
two words...techno handjob
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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