Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
