you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize