this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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