420 ftw
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
