yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
