Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I have feelings that need drinking.
BRING THE BAGELS
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
