i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize