Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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