I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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