made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
