How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
