mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
