i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I wish there were birth control emojis
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
