that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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