the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Farmville is her only friend.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
