Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
