what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
