can u get pink eye on your cock?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just gargled with NyQuil
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
