Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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