Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
