I like my sex mixed with concussions.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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