Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
