Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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