my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
