I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
