margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
