i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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