She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
