Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
