I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
