If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
