I want to make a zoo with you.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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