it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
