He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
