Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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