Your tits are I can't wait for
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
