I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
