"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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