Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
