i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize