U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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