So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
