No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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