u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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