hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
