i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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